Reclaiming Our Soul

John Patrick Williams

Reclaiming Our Soul

I wish I could show you,
when you are lonely
or in darkness,
the astonishing light
of your own being.

Hafiz

From the blog

I dwell in Possibility –
A fairer House than Prose –
More numerous of Windows –
Superior – for Doors –

Of Chambers as the Cedars –
Impregnable of Eye –
And for an Everlasting Roof –
The Gambrels of the Sky –

Of Visitors – the fairest –
For Occupation – This –
The spreading wide my narrow Hands –
To gather Paradise –

Emily Dickinson

The Divine Feminine

I graduated from Colorado College in 2017 with a degree in the academic study of religion. During that time, I stopped describing myself as an atheist, instead choosing the increasingly common phrase: I am spiritual, but not religious. For me, religion represented rigidness and restrictive dogma, whereas spirituality felt more inclusive and intuitive. Religion also existed in my mind as a force for evil in the world – more about saying the right thing to be saved than about being and embodying the teachings. I remember the words of Steven Weinberger and his argument that, “with or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil, that takes religion.” I still believe there is truth to that statement. And I also see how it is reductive and closed off, similar to what I had rejected about religion.

In studying different religious traditions in the classroom, I very quickly learned that there are as many religions as there are people – because each person’s experience is unique and inseparable from the context in which it emerges. The understanding and enactment of religion or spirituality or anything we think of conceptually is not static. It is subject to negotiation as we each come to it in our own way, on our own terms. Personally, while still labeling my interests as spiritual, this understanding has led to a renewed openness to the concept and potential of religion in the modern world. Through this site, Reclaiming Our Soul, I make an effort to reclaim religion and God on my own terms. I have chosen to begin with Christianity, the religion of my upbringing, and the role of femininity within it. I see this as an important starting point because of the common Western understanding of God as a man in the sky – omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent.

Recently, I have been learning from the perspective of Richard Rohr, a Franciscan friar and founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation. Rohr offers a Daily Meditations email each morning, bringing in voices and perspectives that have been marginalized or repressed in the Catholic tradition. Rohr pushes back against the modern, Western model of Catholicism as a system of beliefs, rather than a practice-based way of being in the world. I find his perspective especially impactful because it comes from within Catholicism. Rohr grounds his arguments in the same texts that others within the tradition ignore or understand differently. I am reminded of Ali ibn Abi Talib, a companion of the prophet Muhammad, who said that texts do not speak. People make them speak. I always appreciated that progressive perspective from the man Shia Islam holds as the rightful successor to Muhammad upon his death in 632 AD. It is an important reminder that we always see and understand the world through a lens, from our own unique perspective, inseparable from the biases and conditioning that come with it. 

The balance and tension between masculine and feminine energies in human experience has fascinated me. Consider, for example, an overly simplified distinction between the masculine and feminine – masculine as assertive, dominating, logical, and hard compared with feminine as nurturing, intuitive, creative, and soft. In this way, I might describe religion as masculine and spirituality as feminine. I make this distinction not to describe qualities distinct to one sex or gender identity, but to explore the ways in which the two extremes exist together within each of us. This is the philosophy of yin and yang, the awareness that perceived opposites are complementary and interdependent. Each of us carries both masculine and feminine qualities within us and I believe the same can be said of the Christian God.

In his Daily Meditations, Rohr explores the balance between masculine and feminine aspects of God. In particular, he identifies a variety of images of God as female, as a maternal deity – carrying in the womb and birthing all of creation. Jesus, as well, was a man whose strength can be seen as inseparable from his femininity. Rohr points to how Jesus opened his followers up to new possibilities through relationships that were built on mutual services of friendship, as opposed to a domination-subordination, top-down model. The result for the Way of Jesus was a community of equal beings. 

Then, Jesus the man was crucified, died, and was buried. Rohr argues that the dominance of the masculine in the Christian imagination shows the ingrained assumption that “all problems can be solved by top-down power, a mistake both men and women make.” When we adopt a feminine conception of God, we push back on the patriarchal, top-down model that mirrors political and societal norms in our world. As Rohr puts it, “All we have to lose are the false images of God that do not serve us and are too small.” We can then reclaim God on our own terms.

The feminine qualities of God are more in line with my conception of spirituality as open, inclusive, and intuitive. They point to a specific way of being in the world, a practice that invokes both masculine and feminine dispositions. Like Rohr, I see an imbalance in our society – competitive, warlike, and non-contemplative. I believe we place too much emphasis on the need for strength and firmness and masculinity. In my own experience, I have found great strength in embracing femininity – personally and spiritually. I see it as an effort to remove the walls and armor I protect myself with, to open up wide and connect to the world around me. 

This opening and intimacy does not come without risk and vulnerability. But it is through the courage to risk and be vulnerable that I most fully realize the person I choose to be in the world. Moving beyond either/or, I advocate for both/and – a willingness to hold together perceived opposites and to see myself and our world in all it is. My God, my religion, my spirituality – my whatever you want to call it – are each my own. Personally, I love the message of Jesus that the Kingdom of God is within. When I look within, I feel energy and potential. I see possibility. I experience something that cannot be contained or fully captured by words available to me. That is where my spirituality begins.

From the blog

33 responses to “Reclaiming Our Soul”

  7. Thank you for sharing! I absolutely love this and you have been able to put into words a ton of what I myself feel. So much landed for me in this because of the experience I have had with multiple religions in my life. I especially love “Religion also existed in my mind as a force for evil in the world – more about saying the right thing to be saved than about being and embodying the teachings.” I could not agree more. Thank you for sharing your vulnerable heart. ❤️

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  8. Thank you for sharing. I too have struggled with some of the rigid, or masculine, views of Christianity. I like your approach and agree that it can have different meaning to different people.

    I look forward to continue learning from you.

    Thanks

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  10. As a gay Jew named Christopher, you might well imagine I gobbled up your deeply considered thoughts here John. Beautiful writing. A meaningful and elegant reconciliation of possibilities you describe. Bonus joy, Hafiz and Dickinson.

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  12. Excellent work John, I’m Really digging these values and insights. It’s clear you’ve put in the thought to explain your points in perfect detail. I’m looking forward to what follows!

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  14. John thank you for inviting me to pause and contemplate this perspective. We are supposedly in an era where “feminine energy” is gaining value and influence in our world. You appear to be part of the universal mission to help launch a new and expanded consciousness.

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  18. John
    Thank you for the comforting reminder,,,that the “Kingdom of God is Within.” A warming thought to begin with each morning.
    I look forward to your next post!

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  19. You make an interesting point that men do horrible things in the name of religion, (and have for Millenia) – but religion is not god. Your blog is a brilliant reflection of this conundrum. As a baptized – confirmed ex catholic -there is always remnants of faith, but not in a mysterious being, more so in something I internalized as a child: that God is everywhere, and can be found in bearing witness to the kindness of others. Looking forward to an eventual dialogue, and to reading more.
    Always enjoy your depth of spirit, my soulful nephew. Love stw

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  22. Thank you John for your brilliant perspective. This moves me more than words can describe. I’m filled with hope, love, and understanding of how we all have our own makeup, but can really be amazing together.💜

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  24. I read this at just the right time. A series of losses has led me to reject traditional religion as it represents negativity, judgment and punishment. I appreciate the distinction you make and consider myself “spiritual” as well. I am just starting my soul journey. I am open to truth from all sources and seek peace, understanding, and hope. Thank you. This was brought to me tonight for a reason

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  25. Thank you for this thoughtful piece. I went on a search in my 20s-30s for a path that was more experiential and inclusive than dogmatic. I found a path that honors all religions, references all major texts in services and whose core teachings involve meditation, balanced living and service to others. The opening and closing prayer honors many aspects of God. “Heavenly Father, Mother, Friend, Beloved”. 😊

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  26. This blog is wonderful! Thank you for sharing these explorations, John. A text is alive as it is read and your words are a welcome invitation to read and reread as we grow and gain new perspectives. Looking forward to the next post!

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  28. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to share such depth of thoughts– you’ve done this beautifully. I can’t wait to see how you continue to practice intention with how you choose to show up in the world.

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  29. Great post; I totally agree that instead of letting God renew our minds, we process what we read in the Bible from our own brokenness. That leads to a complete breakdown of what the Bible teaches and demonstrates why Christ came to save us in the first place!

    I really dig the concept of seeing God as having both male and female qualities; I’m sure God is both at the same time!

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  31. You know me and my family well John and that I am follower of Jesus. With that said, I do embrace all perspectives and certainly keep an open mind to thoughtful perspectives. Look forward to reading more and the recognition that it’s a very personal journey. There is no finish line as we never stop learning or growing. Interesting reading as I know you have a kind soul.

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  33. Hi John
    Glad your mom made aware of this,I enjoyed it immensely as it reflects some of my thoughts exactly.
    I look forward to reading more of your thoughts.As your mom and I ,often,discussed it’s not easy being a catholic these days.
    Thank you and best.
    Frank

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