Saturday 8/26/2017 I haven’t been writing since I got to St Andrews. I love to write— and I rarely write. My notes from this trip have felt like a fresh gift to myself years later. I so easily forget how important things like this are to me. It manifests in different ways— I withdraw and…

On to Machrihanish Friday 8/18/2017 – Today was great! I got to Machrihanish around 8:20 and, after talking briefly with another player, hit some putts on the practice green. The pro shop didn’t open until 8:30 and a few more golfers started walking up to the first tee. It really was beautiful. The waves were…

This post is longer, and perhaps different, than what I’ve shared before on my blog. It feels important to me, and like I’m writing as a gift or an offering to myself. On January 3, 2017, I had brain surgery to remove a cavernous malformation in my left temporal lobe. The benign tumor bled, triggering…

For Christmas last year, my brother Michael gifted me East of Eden by John Steinbeck. Michael has a gift for giving gifts— especially books. When he gives me one, right away I look forward to reading his thoughts and reasoning behind it. His words always carry a special gem within them. They always uplift and…

Hi there. My name is John. I am 30 years old and currently live in Boulder, CO. If you’ve read any of my previous writing, thank you. I go through phases of feeling really good about what I’ve shared and then in my lower moments cringing and thinking I see right through myself. Last fall,…

The Summer Day Who made the world?Who made the swan, and the black bear?Who made the grasshopper?This grasshopper, I mean—the one who has flung herself out of the grass,the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—who is gazing around with her…

I kind of hate golf. The game feels inseparable to so much of what I struggle to accept and navigate in my life. I continue to notice new ways judgment and frustration come up for me, especially when I see how others play and talk about the game. I want golf to be different—I want…

The Way It Is There is a thread you follow. It goes amongthings that change. But it doesn’t change.People wonder about what you are pursuing.You have to explain about the thread.But it is hard for others to see.While you hold it you can’t get lost.Tragedies happen; people get hurtor die; and you suffer and get…

The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us. Thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing. The trees wave and the flowers bloom in our bodies as well as our souls, and every bird song, wind…

I continue to catch myself making life harder than it needs to be. Approaching my day as if it is a steep mountain to climb, with no end in sight. Entering into conversations held down and suffocated by the weight of insecurity. A desire to be comfortable and safe. A fear of not being ready.…